Apathy

Yesterday in service, Jason was describing different kind of people that often share a Fear of Failure and one of them was Apathy and it struck a chord with me so today I decided to research it a little bit and see if that is still where I seem to fit and what that means to my walk with Christ.

According to Wikipedia- “Christians have historically condemned apathy as a deficiency of love and devotion to God and 'his works'; this interpretation of apathy is also referred to as Sloth and is listed among the Seven Deadly Sins. Clemens Alexandrinus used the term to draw to Christianity philosophers who aspired after virtue.[1] Macaulay[who?] referred to "The apathy of despair." Prescott[who?] described "A certain apathy or sluggishness in his nature which led him . . . to leave events to take their own course."
"Apathy is one of the characteristic responses of any living organism when it is subjected to stimuli too intense or too complicated to cope with. The cure for apathy is comprehension."
Douglas Hofstadter suggests that, recognizing that the human brain's "ego" is nothing but a construct, no emotion is necessary. Since the realization of the future of an expanding universe, apathy is the only intelligent response. It is in contrast to the contented feeling of self-satisfaction of complacency, driven by the illusion of the "ego".
In a Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences article from 1991, Dr Robert Marin MD claimed that apathy occurs due to brain damage or neuropsychiatric illnesses such as Alzheimer’s, dementia, Parkinson's, or Huntington’s, or else an event such as a stroke. Marin argues that apathy should be regarded as a syndrome or illness.[6]
A review article by Robert van Reekum MD et al. from the University of Toronto in the Journal of Neuropsychiatry (2005) claimed that "depression and apathy were a package deal" in some populations which may help illustrate what people mean when they say that "The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy."

So according to this, I am condemned by most in the church, partaking of Sloth, I can’t cope, I am depressed, I have a neurological disease, or I might be on the right track because emotion is meaningless.

Okay, looking at this realistically and honestly examining myself- Sloth, sluggishness or laziness, yes. That is actually a big issue for me and has been for a long time so I’ll own up to that one, but I do not believe that I suffer from a deficiency of love and devotion to God. I do believe that I have trouble comprehending the magnitude of God’s love because my emotions are essentially turned off, but I do not lack it. I do love God and He knows it.

Apathy being a by-product of not being able to cope, yes, I’ll own up to that one. I know that when things happen to me too quickly and I don’t have time to look into them that I turn off until I can make the time to examine what’s happening in my head and/or heart. I don’t believe it is as drastic as Shell Shock or PTSD like Wikipedia alluded to, but I will own that I do sometimes have trouble digesting some of the things that go on around me and when that happens I turn off until I can digest.

As for Douglas Hofstadter, I believe he is wrong. I would LOVE to think that I had it right and that all those people throwing feelings around were just not intelligent enough to fully comprehend how the world works. But, alas, it is not so. While I do believe that emotion should never rule over us or dictate our lives, it is an important part of being human. Can emotions be a weakness? Yes, this is probably why Mr. Hofstadter chose to believe that he had obtained a higher form of being. People don’t like weakness and want to distance themselves from it as much as possible. But going so far as to say that having emotions such as contentedness as having ‘ego’ just makes me sad for the man because he couldn’t grasp the complexity of emotions and how they make us who we are.

Neurologically, apathy is probably a symptom for many illnesses and disorders, but it is certainly not limited to them. And while many people suffering depression may experience apathy, I do not believe that the two must coexist. Judging from what I’ve read here, I am fairly apathetic in many ways, but I am not depressed. I’ve been depressed and I know what that feels like and that is not what I feel now.

Dictionary.com defines apathy as: 1) absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement; 2) lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting; 3) Also, ap•a•thei•a, ap•a•thi•a  [ap-uh-thee-uh] Stoicism; freedom from emotion of any kind.

I can see myself falling into all three of these categories- 1) I am known to suppress drastic emotions. I don’t like the idea of drawing attention to myself and often feel like displaying passion, excitement, etc, would do just that. I also don’t like explaining myself so if I don’t display any emotion then I don’t have to tell other people why I feel that way. 2) I am very different from most women my age; honestly, I’m very different from most women in general. Because of that, I don’t get excited about things that other people get excited over. I don’t care about going shopping or walking around a mall, I don’t care about clubs or bars or drinks, I’m not interested in dating, so gazing adoringly at supposedly cute guys holds no appeal for me, I’m not interested in clothes or jewelry or make up or hairstyles or love stories or drama, so I just smile and nod when people start talking about these things and go to my happy-place, like the latest book that I’d read. 3) I looked farther into this definition and the way that it explained it was Apatheia is an indifference to events or things that lie outside of one’s control. I have definitely experienced this but I call it something different- peace. When I’m in difficult situations and there is nothing I can do but place them in God’s hand and trust him to get them done, he gives me peace to await the outcome and I can rest calmly in him.

So, this is a long way of saying that I do fall under the ‘Apathetic’ category, but I don’t really know what that means for my walk with Christ. Am I keeping myself from discovering more of his nature by distancing myself from these emotions? I’ve been living this way for a LONG time, probably close to ten years, and I don’t really feel badly about my lack of emotions, mostly because I still have emotions, they just aren’t as drastic as what most people seem to feel, nor are they as evident in my expressions. I don’t ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ as the expression goes. But is that necessarily a bad thing?